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Step 6: GTFO!

The final step to leaving an Abusive Partner will almost certainly be the most difficult. No matter what plans you have arranged or how many allies you have, actually walking out the door is probably going to terrify you. It’s okay, though. That fear is normal. Be prepared for it, and you can conquer it.

A few final thoughts here:

When the time comes, you cannot hesitate. You cannot indulge that sympathetic or empathetic voice that led you into this mess. 

You may think that what you are doing is crazy, or cruel, or cowardly.

You may be wracked with guilt and anxiety.

You may wonder if you are really doing to the right thing.

You may believe that leaving means admitting some kind of defeat.

You may feel like a failure, a loser, a quitter.

However, remember that you are not doing this casually; you are leaving an abusive partner who does not love you. You are saving your own life because it is worth saving. You deserve to live in peace and happiness and comfort as much as anyone else.

These negative thoughts might try to hold you back, to make you stay a little longer. DO NOT GIVE IN! Your stuff is packed and the coast is clear. Go, and don’t look back.

Your fears of her retribution are justified. After all, if she has behaved in such a way to force you to leave under these circumstances, she’s not suddenly going to be nicer once you’re gone.

Be prepared for her to retaliate in any way she can.

Guard your finances closely.

Be cautious about who you talk to and what you say; you must know which allies you can trust.

Do NOT give her any excuse to call the police on you. Don’t ride by her house or send threatening texts. Don’t touch her, even if she shows up and tries to force your hand.

Be prepared for the “smear campaign.” She might try to destroy your reputation by telling everyone how terrible you are.

If you do have children with her, brace yourself. You might be shocked by her callous ability to use them as weapons against you. This might be the sickest, cruelest way to punish you, which makes it all the more likely.

However, all cases are different. What I have discussed here represents a few possible scenarios. Your particular AP may do all or none of the above. She may have a very different set of tactics to use against you. She may completely cut you off, in which case you should consider yourself lucky.

My advice is to prepare for the worst. She may attack you openly and brazenly, or she may conceal her vengeance behind acts of kindness. Do not underestimate her.

If it turns out that she wishes you no ill will, good for you. Do not underestimate her. She may well be trying to lure you into a false sense of security in order to attack you while you are not expecting it.

No matter what, don’t back down. Once you are gone, you are free. Go live your life like you want to, like you deserve to. There will be much pain and sorrow, but there will be joy and peace also. 

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